Would You Find My Razor?
by CardboardCreative
Summary: A parody songfic that attempts to unleash the very true theory that Mimi is actually a man dressed in drag to the world.  Will Roger approve?


Disclaimer: **I seem to be living, female, and long haired. Not really your typical Jonathan Larson description.  
**Note: **I told myself that I would never post a songfic, but I wrote this during French class with the wonderful Julia Lennox, dwelling on the theory that Mimi is actually a man in drag. The girl's got magical skills.  
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_(After a catchy tune about how he has lost his artistic inspiration in the knowledge that he's going to die a terrible death whilst being clutched tightly by the fists of poverty, a knock comes to Roger's door. He goes to answer.)_

Roger:** What'd you forget?**

Mimi: My 'stache.

Roger:** I know you, your moustache...** (_Half of Mimi's moustache falls off. She/he doesn't notice.)_

Mimi: It's nothing; I used to have a beard. And I thought it just looked a little weird. Would you find my razor? ...What are you staring at?

Roger:** Nothing. Your 'stache in the moonlight. It looks familiar... Do you shave it?**

Mimi: No, I use a lot of Veet, and I can't afford to buy it this week. WHAT?

Roger:** Nothing. Your 'stache reminds me of…**

Mimi: It always reminds people of... can I see?

Roger:** I shaved it. I named my 'stache Aprile.**

Mimi: I had a friend... who used to wear Depends! Would you find my razor?

Roger:** Well.**

Mimi: Yeah?

_(Sexual tension builds as Mimi approaches Roger with her/his half-stache.)_

Roger:** Oh, your 'stache... it's ripping...**

Mimi: I grow it between my-

Roger:** FLIPPERS! I figured. Oh well. Goodnight.**

_(Mimi leaves, but pauses to touch the space with the missing moustache. She turns back.)_

Roger:** It grew out again?**

Mimi: No, I think that I dropped my 'stache!

Roger:** I know I've seen it out and about, does it make you pout? …Your blades are out…**

Mimi: Man! I knew that I had it when I walked through the door! It was FUR! Is it on the floor?

Roger:** The floor? **

_(Mimi proceeds to search the floor for her/his missing moustache, in the meanwhile bluntly sticking out her/his buttock area in Roger's face, like the blast-ended skank she/he is.)_

Mimi: They say that I have the best 'stache below 14th street. Is it true?

Roger:** What?**

Mimi: You're shaving a again!

Roger:** Oh no! I mean you do... have a nice… Ah! IT LOOKS FAMILIAR!**

Mimi: Like your old moustache.

Roger:** Only when you smile, but I'm sure I've seen it somewhere else.**

Mimi: Do you go to the barber shop? That's where I get it trimmed.

Roger:** Yes! They used sculp with gel-**

Mimi: It's the trend now.

Roger:** I didn't recognize you without the twirly parts.**

Mimi: We could find my razor. Oh, won't you find my razor!

Roger:** Why don't you forget that stuff? You look like you're 16-**

Mimi: I'm 19! But I'm OLD for my age. I'm just born to be a man!

Roger:** I once was born to be a man. I once had stuble like that.**

Mimi: I have no razor, I told you!

Roger:** I used to shave.**

Mimi: It's five 'o' clock!

Roger:** Uh huh. I used to have a MOUSTACHE!**

Mimi: Well, now and then I like to stroke it in thought.

Roger:** Oh! **

_(Roger finds the missing half of the 'stache and conceals it.)_

Mimi: What's that?

Roger:** Um, just a lint ball.**

Mimi: We could find my razor! Oh, what'd you do with my razor!

Roger:** I think you're a man.**

Mimi: You'll have to adjust, society's accepting.

Roger:** Maybe it isn't wrong at all. I see Angel dressing that way, too**.

Mimi: BAH HUMBUG! Bah humbug…

_(More sexual tension builds as Mimi, once again, approaches Roger with his/her luscious sensual tones of innuendo.)_

Roger:** Your dress...?**

Mimi: Yours too. Big... like my mother's. You wanna shave?

Roger:** With you?**

Mimi: No! With my mother.

Roger:** I'll call her.**

Mimi: They call me, they call me... Steeeevieeeee!

_(Mimi steals back the half of her moustacheand walks offstage.) _

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**It seems all very logical to, Mimi being a man. Many characters are gay, many have AIDS, all are impoverished… but theres is only one, lonely drag queen. So there- Mimi is actually a man, and if she'd just died as planned in the libretto of _La Boheme_, Roger would have never found him/her out.**


End file.
